5 Signs You Have a True Friend
Category Social
"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival."
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
As we change and grow, so do our friends, but have you really thought about how you can gauge if your friendships are healthy or meaningful? One way is to look at your shared values and interests. Start by identifying your values; author and consultant Dr. John Demartini has devised an interesting method to deduce these values through a straightforward test that aids in determining one's Unique Hierarchy of Values. It is a test worth taking to figure out where your priorities are, so encourage your friends to take it as well.
Dr. Demartini discusses the effects of living by somebody else's standards and how important it is to live by your own. With that said, what should we look for in the people we call our closest friends?
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1 - Reliability & Faithfulness
Things like distance, schedules, distractions, and other interruptions are natural parts of all our lives. They can affect friendships in a harmful way, but the right friendships will endure.
A good friend doesn't cancel at the last minute, no matter what comes up on their end. Nor should you, but in cases of emergency, absences should be forgiven. Difficult times will arise and you'll need time to figure things out. Of course, the thing you need more is support, especially from a good friend.
It wouldn't matter how far away these friends are, but whether they'd take the time to visit or reach out via phone call, they'd find a way to help. So, if you have a friend who would lend you their support in trying times, do the same for them.
2 - Having Common Values
While it's possible to have friends with contrasting values to your own, the importance of having aligned motivations and goals cannot be understated. There's always the possibility that people with different values will come to blows at some point over conflicting views. Friends may not enjoy the same things or agree on the same morals when handling a situation, but with this comes the need for caution.
Let's approach this statement with an example; if you're married and thinking about starting a family, you'll want friends that'll fundamentally support you through the process even at their own expense. That isn't to say you should stop seeing them, but if you've got a friend who disapproves because they'd rather you spend time partying and drinking with them, then you need to consider how their values will affect your life.
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3 - Having Common Interests
One thing that helps any friendship grow is talking about the small things. These are things that have no deeper meaning, nothing profound to say, and something that has little to do with the friendship itself - at least, not to anyone but you and your friend. Common interests are often the very things that create a friendship, and the enthusiasm to discuss different insights on those interests is usually what makes a friendship flourish.
A common interest can be anything; sports, books, movies, hangouts - whatever two people feel a mutual enjoyment towards. Sharing these interests alleviates the pressure of a conversation as it can help a dialogue flow more consistently, rather than stalling it by having to find a new topic for discussion. Even the quietest of souls can engage with something they're interested in. Discussion brings intrinsic value to a friendship and this becomes more apparent when there's passion in what's being presented.
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4 - Honesty is Present When Needed
Kindness is undoubtedly an admirable trait to have, but sometimes we need someone who will be honest with us, even if it is a little brutal. As much as we want to hear that we look nice in our favourite outfit, it's even better to hear that our coat doesn't match our boots. Honesty brings us much-needed clarification, and it is something that a true friend would deliver to us when it's needed.
We should value the opinion of our best friends. They're the people who care about us the most and want us to succeed, so we should hear them out no matter what they have to say. After all, if there is something to be said, they'll know how to put it nicely.
5 - Genuine Happiness & High Regards
At the end of the day, we all have our own plans for the future. Families, careers, hobbies, all of these are ambitions that we set ourselves towards. Some of us may reach those dreams and some of us may not.
Regardless of the outcomes, a true friend would appreciate your place in their life and be happy with the progress you've made in your own life. They would encourage us to pursue our goals and be there from the gruelling start to the victorious end and will feel the same happiness in seeing us succeed as we would in crossing the proverbial finish line.
They will encourage you to chase your dreams, find the means to do it, and push you into the deep end if that's what it'll take to get the job done. One thing they'll never do is allow anything to get in your way. After all, is it not their kind words that take us to new heights?
"A true friend never lets anything get in your way unless you're going down" ~ Arnold H Glasow
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Author: Brandon Rix